All my entries are Private. The way there meant to be. This isn't a blog. Only bloggers want the world to hear there rants. I did however want something on my profile page.
I can't remember Last night's dream So I'll tell you another A man Sits quietly�in his chair Watching the waves crash into the shoreline But all around him Everything is exploding Like a mirror when it hits the floor And yet He sits in his chair Smiling, like it's the best day of his life �
4 real I dont care anymore, I just want it to be over. Iam tired of living a damn lie. I have tried to accomodate him but it just doesnt work. the more I give the more he wants. He is a leach, his sister called me on xmas eve. that was her dumb ass mistake! I am confident he wants to do everything in his will to stay connected me, however I cant stay connected to him. The relationship/marriage is poisoned and toxic because of his drinking, smoking weed and outright paranoia. As was told to me he does have a lot of issues,�Iam not negating my�own. But damn I cant fuck with him, he has brought me to an all time low. It is too much for me to deal with, my son's cant stand the air he breathes. There's a song that is appropriate for this moment Since you been gone". Last night when I came home reign was there, I am not in the mood to baby sit which is the reason I stop having kids. Now he is here @the y with us and dj thinks he's going to sack me with him. Not happening. this time� is for me to relax. I did not agree to watch him. over the weekend I spoke to my father about john, he gave some good advice. I spoke to john this afternoon, he was beligerent as usual. Y is it that he cant figure� out that women dont like to be treated like shit. He walked of his job, without regard for us. I think he is trying to get me evicted by not man-ning up. Anytime he getsf a piece of money he does a disappearing act. Y� keep coming back when he's broke and hungry. Iam not his momma. that seems to be what he is looking for. I can not raise a 35 year old man. He had the fucking audacity to say he was going to bring his son to MY HOME. JOHN didnt bring a fucking piece of bread in the house. When there wasnt anything to eat in the house he told me verbatim "fuck you and your kids". So y would he expect me to feed his son, whom I dont care for. Plus he isnt my responsibility, john doesnt watch my kids even when he is in the same house with mine. y should I do him any favors, he was a dead beat prior to meeting me. He told me my son has an Oedipis complex. How can a� man who has never had a stable relationship with his own quantify mine as inappropriate. Maybe one day love will come in the form of the opposite sex, for now I will love my self. Of course I will be selfish, I should take care of myself. I am getting older,yet I dont with certainty what brings me happiness. what I do know is that contentment comes from with in. hmmmm hopefully, when I return home it will be my home! perhaps his father will help him get his shit. I cant forward with him, he is a leach a drawback. Anytime I try to go forward he draws me back with his negativity, doubts,insecurities, just bullshit. He's afraid to do anything different so we both should remain stagnate. Today is the day I take control of my life, no excuses, no placing blame. Its all bout me, well according to him it has always been about me lol1
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